UERJ 2017/1

Little Red Riding Hood

[1] There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large

forest full of endangered fauna and rare plants. One day her mother asked her to take a basket

of organically grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother’s house.

– But mother, won’t this be stealing work from the people who have struggled for years to earn

[5] the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?

Red Riding Hood’s mother assured her that she had called the union secretary and had been

given a special compassionate mission exemption form.

– But mother, aren’t you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?

Red Riding Hood’s mother pointed out that it was impossible for women to oppress each other,

[10] since all women were equally oppressed until all women were free.

On her way to grandma’s house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper and wandered off the

path in order to examine some flowers. She was startled to find herself standing before a wolf,

who asked her what was in her basket.

– I am taking my grandmother some healthy snacks in a gesture of solidarity. Now, if you’ll

[15] excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way.

Red Riding Hood returned to the main path and proceeded towards her grandmother’s house.

But the wolf knew of a quicker route to grandma’s house. He burst into the house and ate

grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator. He put on grandma’s

nightclothes and awaited.

[20] Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said:

– Goodness! grandma, what big eyes you have!

– You forget that I am optically challenged.

– And grandma, what an enormous nose you have!

– Naturally, I could have had it surgically fixed, but I didn’t give in to such societal pressures, my

[25] child.

– And grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!

The wolf could not take any more of this, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood and opened his jaws

so wide that she could see her poor grandmother in his belly.

At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an axe.

[30] – Hands off!, cried the woodchopper.

– And what do you think you’re doing?, cried Little Red Riding Hood. If I let you help me now,

I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities.

– Get your hands off that endangered species! This is a police raid!, screamed the woodchopper.

– Thank goodness you got here in time, said the Wolf. I thought I was a goner.

guy-sports.com